The race report that turns into a story I want to share

Apparently it's taking me weeks to write race reports.  I never did one about my race in DC so I guess a year on some.  Sad thing is I write my posts in my head, while I'm running.  I know who I want to thank, what I want to say.  Yesterday I promised myself today would be the day to write about my day at the North Country Trail Run. 

Then something unexpected happened yesterday, into last night.  Something most won't talk about.  Something that hasn't happened to me in awhile.

Those who know me would tell you I'm a very relaxed person. 

 

Zen.  Go with the flow.

 

Yesterday was totally normal in my family.  We ran to Aldi to get meal prep items and on the way home I stopped to get coffee.  A couple hours later I thought maybe my coffee had been caffeinated.  My heart was racing, I thought I'd peel off my own skin.  Later in the evening I realized it was much more.

I used this energy to get stuff done, laundry, dishes, meal planning, planning my workouts for the next 2 weeks.

At bedtime I was really tired. Laid down, my chest hurt, I felt like my skin was going to burn off. I realized I hadn't eaten a proper dinner. So I got up and grabbed a snack, read a book (The Light Between Oceans is amazing by the way!). I laid back down and was convinced I was having the big one.  I was really close to having my hubby take me to the ER.  Rationale finally came to me and I realized I wasn't dying.

 

 I was having an anxiety attack.

 

And that's exactly what it feels like.  Your world is crumbling down, your heart will explode, your skin wants to peel off.  I have no real reason to explain why this happened.  Nothing triggered it.  It just happened. 

I have had anxiety and stress related issues for as long as I can remember.  I'm really good at masking it and covering it so no one knows. I was medicated after the birth of my twins.  Too much stress with the new babies and my husband's heart literally trying to kill him.  I soon got back into running and found my happy, no meds needed.

I'm lucky that that's the only time I've ever needed meds and that most people aren't as lucky. Last night I really thought my world was collapsing.  No real reason.  Maybe it's the thought of leaving my family for a week for a road trip, ,maybe it was the coffee, maybe it was those age old thoughts that I'm not good enough, that I did something wrong and I'm being judged.
The voice that says you're a
 
Bad Wife, Mom, Daughter, Sister, Friend

 I don't think those feeling will ever go away. Even thought I try to tell them to leave.  I tell myself I can't let external forces control my feelings, control my happiness.

 

I am Strong.

 I am Healthy.

 

 That's what I tell my self on those moments when I feel like I'm falling apart.  It doesn't happen often but it does.  You may see me as strong but I am human.  I do break.

Last night my nerves finally calmed down at 4am.  I'm running on very little sleep but I'm ready to face the day and my workouts for today.  Because deep down I know it will help.

I'm doing my best to escape the feelings of insecurity. 
The feelings that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, just enough.

I will not let outside forces ruin my happiness.
I am Brave
I am Happy
I AM ENOUGH!

 

Rachael

 

Chocolate Chip Cookies made with duck egg!

A couple months ago my kids joined 4H. I gave them a choice on what they wanted to do and of course they chose poultry. Specifically ducks.  I know zero about poultry and zero about ducks.  I did my research, pinned about a hundred duck house ideas and we were ready.  A trip to the feed store and we came home with 5 one day old baby cheeps.  Raising kids is stressful, baby ducks even more.

Elsa and Leonard

They are 2 of our favorites.

 
The day we all waited for happened yesterday, an egg!  Ok now what do I do with this egg.  I've heard that duck eggs are best for baking.  I grabbed my favorite cookie recipe and went to work.  The best part of duck eggs is they are bigger than chicken eggs.  Only one egg is needed when you normally need 2.







The first day we had eggs, we had one.  The second we had 2.

Way to go ladies!

 

 



Here is the recipe, if you can't find duck eggs, I'm sure I can hook you up.

2 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup unsalted butter

3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 duck egg
2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
1/2 cup old fashion rolled oats

 

Step 1:  Preheat the oven to 375° F.

Step 2: Mix flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. In a large bowl beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract until creamy. Add duck egg, beat well. Gradually stir in the flour mixture. Stir in chocolate chips and oatmeal. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto baking sheets.

Step 3:  Bake for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely

These are a huge hit in my house!  Duck eggs make baking creamier. They are the best cookies I've ever had!  My kids think so too.

I really can't stop eating them!

A big adventure starts with one small step

Last August I registered for a race, for this August. I normally don't plan that far ahead but it really sells out that fast! {Race info here}  I made a promise to myself that this would be the race I would be 100% trained and ready for.  So I sit here tonight 57 days out and I'm not ready.
I recently started to a new fitness routine.  One that I've never even thought of trying before.  I love it!  I'm seeing results and it's helping me become braver and faster.
Fifty seven days, that's what I have until I conquer my most difficult race ever.  Can I do it? Of course I can! 
Today's training run was hot.  Honestly getting over my fear of the woods has been very trying.  I'm always thinking about mountain lions (are there mountain lions in Indiana?), bears, crazy Hannibal Lector types. Today I just enjoyed nature.  The birds, I'm not sure if I scared them more or they me.  Wondering if that was poison Ivy I just stepped (I'm still not sure!).
Life is an adventure.  You can sit on the couch or you can run outside and enjoy it. I'm choosing to enjoy it!